The Thing Is

I was consoling a friend a few days ago about a problem she was having with boyfriend. I amaze myself most times with the wisdom I impart and I’ll be the first to tell you I rarely follow my own advice. It didn’t even occur to me how amazing what I was sharing was until she asked me to stop and repeat what I was saying.

You don’t need to understand or to be understood in order to love.

It hits me only now, some days later, how ironic this is. I’ve been on a quest these past few weeks and months, vigilantly guarding my truths and dismissing anyone who might have not respected them or valued them as much as I’d like. I cried to the few that were left, to God (who I have a vague idea must be so fed up with my self-pity), and wondered why it was so difficult to simply be heard? To simply be understood? To simply be accepted? In my quest to find answers to those questions, I had found myself unwilling and unable to give love as I used to. In the end, I was exhausted and I almost said I didn’t want to do any of this anymore.

And therein lies the problem.

I have totally forgotten what it meant to love to begin with. In my fight and struggle to get what I thought I deserved, I had become unwilling to do what I should have been doing from the start.. what I should not have stopped doing.

Clarity sure can bite you in the behind, but the relief it comes with, too, is incomparable.

Now, more than ever, I can’t wait for 2012.

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